Lights

Setting out early, while mist was still on the bay, the boat sliced through deep water. He glanced over the side to see the reflection of the bright morning sky through mist. Catching a glimpse of his own worn face he was shocked at the smoothness where deep lines had been. The dark green and brown of the receding shore line drew his eyes away from thoughts of age and into the memories. The darkness had called to him and won so much in his life, he feared it, lately, more than ever.

Today the darkness was nowhere to be found.

He missed his dad, Jack, so keenly today. Years piled on years. He had denied his dad a place in his heart for so long. A wall went up for protection, steadily increasing in size with each new disappointment and cruelty. Jack had been a disgrace to the word 'father'. He had looked up to Jack and wanted to be just like him. But the darkness had taken in him and seduced him and Jack became the kind of dad you couldn't love for long. The years of this blackness had erased his fresh young heart and made hate rise in his throat and leave a bad taste. He wished his dad was with him now. It would be so easy to say the right words now. He would forgive his dad share this light with him, as he had tried to so long ago. He felt no fear here.

The giant creamy pile of marine sail collected a warm wind and popped full with a loud crack. The sound jarred him back to reality. He set his chin toward the eastern horizon and wiped the sides of his eyes.

The lights’ calling was strong as he slipped out of the harbor. Leaving the memories of love and hate to stroll hand in hand on the beach, he sailed on…

It was only a few days before when he felt the first pain seep into his chest. Taught to be tough he put off the thought of having it checked. He certainly didn't tell his wife, she might make him give up coffee again. That next morning he headed for the breakfast table. As he when to sit down, a tight vice gripped his chest and arm. He called out to his wife and she came down the hallway in time to see him collapse to the floor, almost without a sound. She screamed his name but he had slipped away so quickly that no sound came back to her.

…He missed her more than he had words for. Gripping the wheel of the small boat he shut his eyes against the pain of that last look on her face. He whispered a prayer for her as the light ahead became warm and wide. He felt the mercy of smooth sailing and the relief of all dark things slipping away, even his tears. Looking up into the light he saw the gentle face of the Father and heard the strong deep voice saying, "Welcome home child".