The Lie

"What did God make first?" I asked the mini table surrounded by little people. I looked up in expectation to see fresh faces staring wide eyed back. One little man who had just been picking his nose set his eyes on mine and said, "Me- he made me first." I chuckled under my breath and turned to petite Jenna and as she twirled her hair she cooed out with her even smaller voice,
"Yeah he made Devin first."
"Really?!?!" I said in a tone mixed with humour and question all at the same time.
We went on to talk about how we are all so unique and special. God only ever made one of us. I never did tell Devin that God didn't make him first. In his world he is first in God's mind. But I did turn to Jenna and ask, "Why was Devin made first?"
She looked at me like I was supposed to know the answer and then rolling her eyes at me she said, "Devin is cuter and stronger, I don't think God made me first, and he likes Devin more" sadness showing in her blue eyes. I heard her small voice clatter around my brain and felt a force as if I had been struck. She is only 4 and already she is believing 'the lie'.

I knew 'the lie' well and it had taken up residence in my brain not long after I was in school. Surely this tiny treasure knew that God was in love with her because she was Jenna. How was it that I still believed 'the lie' and yet it was unthinkable in this child of the King.
The past few weeks of January rolled through my mind. They had been filled with sitting up and paying full attention to 'the lie'. Those of us who feel overstuffed this time of year start diets and fill our rec rooms with machines bent on shaping our "happiness" from the outside in. I was no exception to that trap.Now don't hear me wrong getting in shape is great but what happens when we fail and fail and fail and fail. What happens when we believe 'the lie' "You are not good enough if you are uncute or weak or heaven forbid fat." How can I wish for something else in the mirror and find a way to accept the kind of love God offers? How on earth am I telling Jenna she is the best thing God has ever done if I don't believe it for myself. The thought sat juxtaposed in front of me like the elephant in the room (no pun intended).
"Oh sweet Jenna" I said through tears beginning to touch the edges of my eyes. "God created you there is no one else like you anywhere in the world." The words came tumbling out now as if over the edge of the falls...."If you were a species you would totally be on the extremely endangered list." (Okay yes Sunday school teachers say weird things sometime and yes I have a passion for nature) Jenna smiled at me with her eyes and giggle at me. I know she doesn't know why her teacher was so wound up about making sure she knows she is special. But the message was meant for me as are so many classes I thought I was to be teaching others. Nothing in the universe can touch how God feels about me and I need to start living like I believe it.