Ohio T-shirt

The cab was hot and close. The driver was swerving in and out of traffic. It's May and we are careening through the streets of Winnipeg on our way to the airport. Snow is falling hard as we approach and the big applesauce like flakes splat on the windshield. Supper from the night before is sifting around my insides as we pull up in front of the terminal.
I am headed to Ohio to see my nephew for the first time. A stowaway with my parents, I am to be the big surprise. 6:45am This early departure time is wreaking havoc on my stomach. We check in and get ready to board the plane. I peer out the large windows to see a flurry of activity readying the wee ‘culvert’ we are soon to soar up through the clouds in. We board the plane. We sit, sit and sit some more. The cabin of the plane is beginning to get warm. The plane pulls away from the terminal and waits to de-ice. By this time I am thinking of never darkening the door of a 'Wendy's' ever again. All logic begins to trickle away and I wonder, ‘is my body telling me 'Don't Fly!'. The walls of the tiny plane close in and the heat pours down on my head from above like the hot tongue of a dragon. 'How long did mom day this trip would take? Where are the nearest exits....if I jump from the plane now would it hurt? Would I get de-iced too? Ohhhh, and where is the lieu?'   The plane begins to coast down the runway and I begin to take deep cleansing breaths...okay make that deep terrified breaths. Up through the storm we go bumping and jerking along. I am certain at this moment that this is how the fisher price people feel when they are flown through the backyard by a four year old high on kool-aid.
Seated seven rows behind my parents, they are unaware of my plight. Suddenly the bits and bobs trolling around my stomach begin to knock loudly. Up and out of my seat before remembering I am wearing a seat belt. Ouphf! Back in the seat, undo the belt and fly at the door of the too small ‘room du wash’. Few things in life can top letting it all hang out in an airplane biffy. However, doing it 7 times in an hour and a half flight, tops them all. Or so I think. Dave Thomas (Wendy's founder) will be getting a wee letter about the evils of his delicious little chocolate frosties as soon as I am safely on the ground again.

Time does not pass quickly when shut in a small space calling to the porcelain gods at 10,ooo feet. We finally land in Minneapolis and I am spent. Death on a stick is an understatement at this point. My parents not realizing my in-flight antics press on with me trailing behind to the next gate to make our connection. We plop down to wait. In my most adult voice I explain to my mother that she is to leave me at the airport. I will not be continuing on with them. ‘Call Tim’, I say and let him know that he is to make the 12 hour drive to get me. I will wait. Mother recommends, as many from her generation do, that I drug up and keep on. I go in search of meds finding to my great pleasure a pack of ‘drama’mine. In moments like this I am unsure of where my brain was...perhaps at the starbucks getting fueled up. I down the contents of the package following the brilliant adage 'take now read instructions later'. I am still quite determined to wait for Tim to ride up on the taupe minivan and rescue me. My parents drag me down the snake like tube and see me to my seat. This time at the front of the plane. I hear the stewardess begin her speech about safety and really only hear the part about my seat being a flotation device. I giggle and mention to the lady next to me that she might want the window seat as I may need to get up in a hurry due to earlier events. She obliges and I drift off into a strange and happy sleep.

Two minutes before we land in Cleveland I hear the voice of the pilot and realize with great joy, I have made it. Oh sweet sleep. My head lolls to one side and then the other. I can see nothing below us except water. Brains still on drugs I turn to 'Beth" my seatmate. I laugh out loud and say through slurred words, "My seat could be a flotation device." HA! She stares at me unsure of how to respond. My senses grow keener (as keen as they can why hopped up on ‘drama’ drugs and I hear the air fill with sounds of people putting away books and gadgets. The plane jerks from side to side as the pilot lines up against the winds off the great lakes. I feel a wave of relief and then one of nausea. Suddenly my euphoria is over. I am buckled in tight for the landing. Trapped. I pluck the 'air sick' bag from its hiding place and eye it up. We lurch and I open the bag. We begin our descent and so do I. Air sick bags this size cannot have been through IKEA like testing. I filled mine in a matter of seconds. Bits and bobs splashing up and over the rim and down my front.
The air was suddenly very silent and quite pungent. Oh the embarrassment. The show must go on. I fold down the top of the bag. I recall hearing the stewardess say that were we to be in need, we should ring the bell above us. I reached up with one hand and pressed the button and dangled the baggy out in the aisle with my free hand. I lean out behind the baggy and chortle a little "Yooo-hoo" only to hear her say 'I can help you only once we’ve landed and stopped'. Cringing I turn to apologize to my seatmate. She takes my puke bag and says 'Oh you poor dear are you alright'. We coast to a stop and the lady across the way is composing a letter to the airline about the lack of service I received. Oh dear. The plane empties and the stewardess brings me a large plastic bag and a warm cloth. 'Beth' my new best friend and ambassador tucks away the Wendy's delight into the bag. I clean up with a quick sponge bathing and head for the exit.

Waiting in the tunnel for my folks gives the rest of the people on the plane a chance to eyeball the pungent offender. As dad comes near he says, "Well you must have had a better flight, you didn't get up to go to the bathroom even once." I stare at him like this trip has just been a bad dream.
"Look at me dad!" he looks and realizes I look like he may have missed an in-flight waterfight. They both begin to laugh and we move on to meet my brother.
From across the way I see him and he looks up. "What are you doing here? Why are you all wet, did you swim all the way? I rush to hug him and the wave of barf smell rolls over us both and I yell, "Surprise!".